You.

Ever since the world began, I have been very skeptical and pessimistic about where my love life will go into. I found somebody and then fall head over heels to him. I fantasized my life with him. I feel their love and even before we officially get together, I feel awkward. I had been a cycle. I am not sure if there’s something wrong with me or we aren’t meant to be.

However, I met a guy and for this guy, I really want things to be different. I don’t want to write negative post for him or about him. I don’t want to think destructive thoughts about him, with him or anything related to him. I don’t want to see myself go through all the grumpiness and sadness because of a guy. Above everyone, I say that for him, it’s different. I remember the first day I saw him. It was in the church rectory and he was wearing a yellow loose shirt. The first thought that came into my mind was “Boy, he was old.” (well, I was 19 that time) And, that was the time I joined a community. I thought what had I joined myself into?

I never really liked him in the start. He was bossy, meddling with other people businesses and, admittedly, I was intimidated by him. Those were the times that I had like another person, and he was just another guy that I came to know.

Maybe it was because we, as a group, were always together. Proximity principle. I always see him, and he always sees me. We were part of a group. Or maybe it was more than that; we had the chance to speak with each other and just talk things. The small talks turned into deep conversations. The irritating voice he had became melody in my ears. His gaze captures me and entices me. Honestly, I don’t know when or how, I just fell.

I am not sure if he likes me back. I sure hope he does because I have a very little landi in me. Believe me when God poured all those swabe moves and landi kyeme, I was sleeping. Besides, I still believe that guys should approach first. (Well, this will be applicable if he likes me too) Patay lang tho, kasi manhid at awkward din ako minsan. Who is in their right state of mind don’t want to be with the people they love? I genuinely wish him the best in life. I want to be with him and let him let me love him. However, if he chooses to be with another, I hope him happiness and pure love. I really, genuinely, authentically (lahat na ng words para masabing gusto ko talaga ito para sa kanya) want him to be happy more than myself.

Sana part 2 nitong post na ‘to kami na. HAHA.

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