Floating

Hi there, it has been awhile since I last post here.

I got a lot of things of my mind. I’ll give you an update of how things are in my life (I’d probably post some of these in breath-taking.) About a year ago, everything was a bliss. I can say that it was one of those glorious days. in May of 2014, I was a presenter in Stanford. Together with Tin, Ange and other representatives of Miriam College, we presented our respective thesis to those foreigners who believed that what we fabricated was worthy of their time. And, of course, when the conference was over, we leisured ourselves in being a Tourist in a foreign country. I had the time of my life. 

Six months after, came the Psychometrician boards licensure examination. In November of 2014, officially awarded by the PRC, I am now a Licensed Psychometrician. Everyone was so proud of me, and I felt loved an acknowledge.

To be honest, everything in 2014 was pure happiness. I was loved and appreciated by the Angelicus family; To besh and to my other friends, I was important; To my career, I was promising, To Love, I was someone; To my family, I was relevant and achieving.

2015 came in, what happened? Did life happened? I am in a state where I want more. I am in a job that is dragging and feels like a call center. I want an HR job or to pursue medicine. I hope to change career as soon as possible.It literally feels like, I wake up just to survive the day. It’s quite pathetic.

Angelicus choir used to be my breath of fresh air. I always looked forward to weekends because of them. They recharge my dying spirit and fills me with love, happiness and dreams. Nowadays, it seems that if I vanished from their presence, I wouldn’t be miss. I feel like a disappointment to them.

My friends, Besh and 4, became distant. I do understand that we are not supposed to talk 24/7. I know that physical distant is not the measurement of friendship. It was the problem of mine, in my perception, I was emotionally detaching myself to them. I felt that there was a wall that has been pilling up and I was reinforcing it. Instead of acting otherwise, I am feeding the wolf that navigates me toward the dead end of highway positive.

My family and relatives were also an issue this year. My self-proclaimed righteous cousin is creating a feud between us. Sometime, February (if my memory was correct) was her idiotic phase. She engaged herself on war between us. I, honestly, did not give a care on what happened on that part. What I resent is that my amazing father chose to believed her than his own offspring. I invested much emotion on a wrong move for my father.

In addition to that, I genuinely believe, that I am not enough for my family. It is just that what can they be proud of me. I was mediocre with this kind of job. I feel that I can never be enough and I am not doing anything about it.

It feels like I am in a depressing state. I want to focus on what I have, and what I can gain. It just that this emotions take the better of me.I want my life back in 2014. I believe that was the problem, I am so consumed how perfect 2014 was, and I just want to reenact it this year. However, everything changed. It can never be the same. I am moving forward but slowly. I hope that with God’s help, I will be on the right track again and happy.

So help me, God.

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