This post is a day late. I could not find any nerve to type last night. Do you know the feeling when you really want something that you have exhausted everything in all ways possible but in the end it was still not good enough? It’s a fucking feeling. I have felt the most useless and stupid person last night. All I had in mind was the thought that I can only go so far.
I started this semester with the thought that I will be on that stage getting my award and rightful recognition of being a Dean’s Lister (possibly a Laude). It was bulletproof. I knew that this sem, I had in the bag. Generally in all subjects, my quizzes were perfect, my prelims was beyond average and my finals were mostly exempted (No bragging intended.). I did worked hard. It even came to a point that I cried over a lousy aircon being broken because I am that fed up from stress of school requirements. I burned my ass off. I, too, sometimes became a jerk like how A. is doing and decided to be loner. I invested many emotional swings especially my insecurities with social life kicking-in. And now, it is all for nothing.
Trigo- turned- Analytic Algebra class of mine is a heart-breaker. Ms. Aranas posted the grades last night. Guess what, I got a 2.0 which makes me ineligible to become a Luade or for the least, Dean’s Lister. It is fucking tragic.
If I could cry the ocean, I would. I did not cry hard enough for as long as I can remember. I know, I studied. Which makes everything a lot difficult to digest.
It is so sad.
It is really sad.
IT IS FUCKING TRAGEDY.
BRB, SULKING IN THE CORNER.