It is needless to say that the Valentine’s is coming. I am not lonely for what ever reason but I am sad. It’s frustrating to think that he have somebody else. I want his happiness but I feel shitty and unloved. I am not showing any emotions or let anyone know what I am feeling because we were never together. So, I have no right to do, to react and to feel in such in any manner.
Guess what I did to cover that emotion? I regress to my old life. It is quite pathetic actually. I kept imagining what could have been. Pathetic!
I feel so lonely. I do have friends and thank God for them. Thank God that besides my family, I feel loved. However, it seems that there is a hole in my heart. When I posted the Stanford acceptance form, I was in cloud nine but he didn’t reply, react or congratulate me. In that 80 plus and still counting post, I felt that I was unappreciated. I do not how to make him notice me. It is because I’m too fat or ugly or am I not really worth of your attention, that’s how I feel.
Sad. I wish I could tell myself not to be bitter but just eat butter.